It happened again; a few days ago when with a sudden force, I
pulled myself together somehow.
I realized I’ve started to drift away from physical
realities more and more often. Maybe because of certain disappointments, disillusionment in general or horrors or whatever reasons, but now I shun the reality around me quite
easily, without even having to make any conscious effort.
So, a few days back while I was traveling somewhere in a
bus I realized, sitting after a few hours, that I didn’t even register the face
of the person sitting right next to me, let alone the seat number or any other
detail.
I thereby consciously made myself look around a bit. It was a
pleasant night on a rather glamorous Yamuna Expressway with me sitting in a
typical interstate rickety bus making at least ten different kind of sounds,
innumerable loose parts chorusing.
I tried to smell the surrounding, see it, even register the touch
of the seat and the grab bar with pealing paint. Tried to overhear some
conversations around.
There was SO MUCH happening right around me towards which I was
completely oblivious.
Instead, I was just sitting swiping the screen of my cell
phone, repeatedly locking and unlocking, lost somewhere, not even in thoughts
just a certain void.
I don’t know why this has increased lately, frankly it has
started to scare me a bit.
What if one of these days I just can’t come out of wherever
it is I disappear! The prospectus both amuses and scares me.
-sometime around June, 2014
